Great.

Great. I honestly don't know how to say it better than 'great' hopefully mixed with a hell lot of sarcarsm and irony. Nothing's great right now. Absolutely just nothing. I'm going to Iceland in... 2 days and right now everything seems so fucked up. Yo, don't we all love life, huh? Not.
So, if I just start of with my self in this screwed up thing (and this will take from now and till forever) I have to start it off with a 'screw everything'. I'm not suicidal right now, no no - nothing like that. It's just... screw everything. I don't wanna eat, I really HATE myself for needing the food. And today I just ate like I haven't been eating for years, which I have. I've cut down my food a lot, but that doesn't mean I'm not eating. I am. A little. I want anorexia to be precise. That's an amazing illness. Imagine that - not eating. It would be like flying. Oh, food is a hell. If I said that out loud to any grown-up they would put in therapy with any other thought. Thinking I'm mentally ill, which I possibly are. Insane. Say it to me - out loud. You.Are.Insane. And depressive thoughts are back where they supposed to be. Close to me and my soul. They cannot separate us, cuz you're part of me. My safety, my heaven, my friend. I've actually wanted to call them 'Debbie' but nobody would understand. It just makes sence to me. Ana is anorexia - Debbie is my depressive thoughts. Yuki, Ana and Debbie. An amazing cocktail - one paradise on earth. I don't wanna finish school either - I simply cannot see an end to any kind of that torture. And gym classes are the worst. It's not like I'm ditching, I'm just having amazing reasons to stay away.  Shoulderpain, headaches, illness. All the time. God, I cannot even go deep down into my own misery now, because I'm so mad that another friend of mine is feeling misery. Why in the world is anything like this supposed to be their fault?! It isn't! They shouldn't be treated like I do. Debbie belongs to me - not to them. Misty (misery) is mine. Not theirs. For crying out loud - I never wanted this to happen to any of my friends. I'm the one with these feelings. Now every adult wants to put me in therapy and such terrible idiotic things. Debbie is mine - just like I said before. Misty, Debbie, Ana and I. Stop trying to take her away from me. I love her! I cannot let go of her. I want to be happy but with her. No one has to share Debbie. Not therapist and especially not my friends. They should be happy. That would make it easier for me to hide my pain. My low selfconfidence, everything. My sickening feeling of living. But NOBODY but me. I'm repeating over and over again. How is this possible? Yuki - stop.
I'm with Debbie right now, but I'm happy. I hope my friends see happiness too but without Debbie. I want them to be happy. Pure and innocent. Angels. Happy.