Made in school.

So, right now I'm sitting here - that's actually quite cool. (y) No, it's not. I had a biiiiig mess-up yesterday so it wouldn't be weird if I was down today, and I'll say I'm not as happy as I could be. Uhm, I think I should tell you why I was totally down yesterday. I actually went crying, went to the graveyard and made a prayer for God. Which was odd. But'but, I'll just tell you why I did all these things.
Bim, my life, wrote a message to me in the morning saying she didn't want to live. Oh well, it didn't say that - it said "I'm tired of everything and I want to go fucking disappear cuz everybody hates me and I hate my own jealousy of my friends." Bohoo, I went down. First of all, I love her and I know her jealousy very well - so to say that really hurt me. And I wrote to her all the time. Told her never to stop writing to me. And she promised me that she would stay alive until I'm going to meet her saturday. And I started crying in biology class, it was horrible. ): I'm never'ever doing that again. NEVER. But it happened the way it did - nothing to do about it. And I couldn't go to my economic class, which was why I dumped it and went to the graveyard instead. I was almost crying over there too, remembering the pain when I got a phone call, telling me Tim had died (my best friend).. It was painful, really painful. So I just remembered him, remembered us and I remembered the feeling of losing him - just to prevent the feeling from happen again if I lost Bim and then I prayed to God. In front of a stone saying "We know God".. Prayed for Bim and Tim and begged God to safe Bim, cuz I cannot let her go. Not the same way as Tim left me, and definetely not if she decided to go by herself by comitting suicide. So, hard day yesterday - really hard day. Ended up being all dizzy and tired and had to go to bed early, which I didn't want to because I was finally writing with Tullem again, I just couldn't be awake. Slept 3 hours, but doesn't matter - I'm happy, cuz Bim's happy today. Whether it's Bill and Tom's birthday doing it - I don't care. They're my friends and I love them for that, Bill's like my older brother - BUT if they help Bim to become happy, they could be everything to me. Everything. <3
But, today I'm "happy". Nah, I'm never happy these days. (: But never mind that - I'm happier. ^^, And writing this in school - but this isn't a celebrationsday as Jack's birthday were. Jack always will be my older brother and Bill can never be any better. But well, they could be both and Jack's older. So, it's great. <3
Sayounara, mata nee. <3