Fuck! Shit! Screwed!

Fuck! Shit! Screw fucking everything. I'm afraid, I'm alone, I'm not even alive. How come I can feel this dead when I yesterday felt so alive. I really need to cry. I need to cry my heart out. I need to make sure nobody sees how I feel. Smile, smile, smile. Facade - please, do not break. Momma's coming home in a few minutes. Everything. I hate it. I hate my life. I hate that I need you so. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I hate that I know nothing, I hate that I only serve one person. It's not even myself. I'm stupid. I'm fucking stupid. Nobody fucking cares. School sucks, they think it's awesome to make me write about some fucked up journey with my classmates! I FUCKING DON'T WANNA WRITE ABOUT IT! The only thing I really thought was worth everything was standing so close to death. Nobody understands, does they. No they fucking don't. I feel like I've tried to explain everything in my heart, everything in my life. And yet nobody sees it. They just.... live their lifes. Why would I even want to talk about this shit. I fucking regret I'm living. The world is happier without me. Life is against me. Look at me. I'm horrible looking. People is faking to get near me. I just.. open up. A fucking naive girl. I do not even deserve this life. God, I just wanna cry. I just wanna make sure people knows. But nobody knows. Nobody wanna know. And when I'm over this I'm thankful I told nobody. Cuz I have to be able to handle my shit. Otherwise everybody will look at me and think I'm insane. Oh God I am, why hide it anymore?! I'm even able to say goodbye right now. I want a knife. I want something sharp. I want my own blood. I want a goodbye.