I want to make an update for today. I started writing to Rachel that I missed writing with her (I wrote with her yesterday T_T) and she answered me. I was quite surprised cuz I thought her phone had run out of money. Anyway, we wrote and she begged and begged me to go ask for a psychiatrist. I tell you, I was really nervous! But after biology I pulled myself together and went straight to the 'studyguide's room and we talked about me, about Ana, about cutting. About everything in the last couple of days. And she was nervous for me - it's was SO obvious in her eyes. They were really saying 'fear'. And I don't know why they did that - but they did. And she asked me whether or not we should make a deal with the school-psychiatrist that comes every Thursday and I agreed. A psychiatrist was the reason I seeked her out so. But talking with her made me late for English class, but it was okay - nobody said anything to it. My English teacher wanted to hand back some old paper and damn, I was nervous. I had written a short story and it dealt with a hell lot of my own feelings and then she said "I wanna talk to you in the break.". The note was a B+, so I was really happy and when she saw me in the break she said that it was really'really good, she had never read anything this good and the only reason I haven't got a A was because it was too long. That sucked, but B+ was cool. When I came home Momma talked to me about studying after High School and Daddy (really surprisingly) backed me up so much when I started about studying German. Like, he really wanted me to study German - he shot down all of Momma's arguments. That was really cool. So, maybe I'm going to study German. Of other stuff I have been telling my friends about the psychiatrist. I think they deserve to know that I have finally seeked help and all of them felt like they were relieved and happy that I did it. So, rather nice - but weird day. ^^
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