Perfect sarkasm

"Anyone can be suffering from an ED"

Why can't I?! Anyone would include me but... it just seems it doesn't. I hate to eat. I don't even feel hungry. But I somehow just need to eat sometimes. My breakfast is almost nothing, but at lunch I eat 2-4 crispbread with tuna or mackerel. Sometimes I eat a lot for dinner and other times I eat nothing. I still drink absolutely nothing, it's just a bad habit I can't change now. Even when I need water. If I could just skip the tuna or the mackerel the 2 crispbread would be alright, cuz they're only 80 cal. But I just can't. I want to throw it out and sit and cry when I've eaten but I can't. When I start focusing on food I need something to remove my focus but I cannot find the thing that removes my focus. So it'll end with me eating, me feeling guilty and then cutting to punish myself for eating. The only place I want to cut is my wrist, just over my artery. It's the only place I feel.... I feel I get punished enough. My arm isn't good enough. Well, my arm is good enough when I want it to bleed. When I just want to feel pain, I cut my wrist. If I push a little too hard I might make it bleed. If I make it bleed I seriously don't know what I would do. Whether I would leave it bleeding or not.
I know I have a time to the psychiatrist but I feel like I need her/him now. Not thursday. Now. I'm suffering from dizzyness and headache all the time and I can't overcome school anymore. It's not because I don't want to go to school. I do want to. But I can't. I simply can't. I'm so caught when I'm in school. Monday I sat all crumbled up. Okay, I was freezing, but we were writing stuff down when we saw some goth pictures and all I saw was 'loneliness', 'death' and 'fear'. I saw a left alone ruined castle that reminded me of myself. Alone, difficult to reach and ruined. I don't know why. Our English teacher showed us a picture of a monster, to everybody else but me it was Frankenstein, but this "Frankenstein" was blocking the doorway out in the light. I, as the only one in the entire classroom, noticed this. Possibly because I feel something is blocking my doorway. I need my teachers to know what I feel. Why I crumble up. Why I sometimes is so... difficult to reach. But no. I'll just regret it if I say something..